What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 00:50
I was scared of men, in general
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
What can help me fall asleep at night?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Latest WA shipping and tourism numbers tell a depressing story - The Seattle Times
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
If Humans Become Extinct, This Is the Species That Will Take Over the Planet - The Daily Galaxy
And i lived it daily.
It was going to be , some day.
I will be 64.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But it wasn’t much.
What did i know ?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Methane-eating sea spiders discovered off Southern California coast - SFGATE
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Defense Department signs OpenAI for $200 million 'frontier AI' pilot project - theregister.com
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She loved him until the end.
Mark Hamill Say Carrie Fisher Told Him to Embrace His Star Wars Fame - Variety
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My life is so biszare .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Citadel's Esposito says US deficit is a 'ticking time bomb' - Yahoo Finance
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was seconnd youngest,
Israel launches several attacks on Beirut’s southern suburbs, south Lebanon - Al Jazeera
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I waited trembling.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Ive learnt so much.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My family never makes their pension either.
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Would this be the day?
One cannot live in the past .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We were not on the streets..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
All the time i was locked up.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was very sick at this time too.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
This is soul school!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As i do to all so called friends.?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Put me off passion for life!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was 9 years of age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So whats the point in blame.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She married twice! .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I never cut or harmed myself..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I have no regrets .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I don,t even have a pension.
She wouldn,t have been !
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I said to her
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I could never make a relationship work though!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I think the readers, may guess!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was in good health!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She found it foreign!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We all went to grammer schools
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Who then, do I blame.?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So, i spoilt her more .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Why did i forgive my father ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Especially a lifetime of it.
When she asked me how she looked .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He knew the spot.
Im still living with it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.